Friday 8/24/2018
We got an automated phone call from the Ventura Unified School District last night that vaguely talked about a flyer from the Santa Paula Police Department. Something about “if you have credible information” please call the Ventura Police Department. It was weird. I knew that I had no information, no clue, so I dismissed the call and went to sleep for the night. I didn’t even think to mention the call to Brent…
This morning, we walked Micah back to his 3rd day of Kindergarten. He’s growing braver with experience, though he still asks to hold my hand. The playground outside his classroom was oddly vacant this morning. I counted only 4 kids sitting inside at their desks when the bell rang…
He kissed my hand and asked if he could always love me, and I responded in form, admittedly distracted by the low attendance.
Where is everyone?
At home, I got several texts from other moms about a local High School graduate who had admitted to his therapist a desire to “shoot up” a school and then take his own life. The authorities had taken action against him, removing “several small caliber weapons” from his home, and had placed him on a mental health hold. He has since been released, and is assumedly living his life somewhere in this sunny beach city that I love so much.
And all I could think about was my son.
All my hopes and fears for Micah were immediately related to this hopeless and angry teenager.
He has a name that is known by hundreds as the man who has determined harm on our children.
He has a face, that has been studied from police flyers; flagged in countless memories as a threat – the enemy.
And he has a mom. Is she, like me, desperate to rescue her son? Did she walk her son to Kindergarten, silently imagining the man he would grow up to be? Did she imagine this?
Is she frantically reacting to her sons negative fame scrambling for control, influence, and safety for her child? For everyone?
Likely, Eli will never recover from this. He is a marked man, a lost cause, the black sheep. The statistics have determined that he will, in fact, end his life in moral obscurity. He will claim destruction as his right of passage from this life. He is broken beyond repair. They say, he fits the profile.
But I see my son, 5 years old, and not yet grown. The hope I have for Micah to become a contributing member of society is the same hope I have for Eli – Jesus needs to get a hold of his heart.
Just as God transformed the apostle Paul (Galatians 1:15-16), who formerly approved of the Steven’s murder, ravaging the church by dragging men and women to prison (Acts 8:1-3), God can rescue stone-hearted people from darkness.
I am praying Ezekiel 36:26 for my sons, and for Eli
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
There is relatively little that I can do to help my son live the kind of life I wish for him. I can give him all of my love, but ultimately he has to respond to God’s love for him to have lasting change in his heart. Today, and tomorrow, I will commit to praying for this fervently