“Abnormal.” A word I’ve heard in this pregnancy over and over again. It is a word that always strikes me as odd; as though I’m giving birth to an anomaly and not a little boy…
Just when I thought it was all over, I received a call from my clinic in CA. The nurse on the phone wouldn’t discuss my precious baby’s situation on the phone, but she said I need to return to the clinic as soon as I am back in CA for more tests. She assured me it wasn’t urgent and that I don’t need to rush, but she also said she is not at liberty to discuss my file on the phone. Something is “abnormal,” and they want to test again to uncover exactly what is going on. So I’m back to wondering, waiting, and trusting in the Lord to keep my mind from wandering into the unknown.
Being a mom is one of those jobs that has no predictable hours, it demands far more than I can ever provide, and it never ceases to bring me to the end of myself. I am daily stumped by new dilemmas in the lives of my twin 2-year-olds, constantly tired, and continually on my knees begging God for wisdom that I so desperately lack. This is no exception. In the period between waiting and meeting my littlest darling, I am being daily reminded that God is on His throne and that He cares for me.
I don’t have answers. I don’t have know what lies ahead. But I do know that my Savior has given me the grace to deal with today, and He is holding me up through every twist and turn of this journey. He has been nearer to me in these recent months than I’ve ever known Him to be, and His Word has been the sustaining food for my soul. We will be back in California in 17 days, and hopefully shortly thereafter we’ll have some results from the doctor. In the meantime I am comforted by Psalm 103:17-19: “But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.”