Never before did I care so much about kidneys. Most people can go their whole lives without every really thinking about their kidneys. But I care a lot about kidneys now because my precious two month old baby Micah has a problem with one of his. We don’t know what the problem is specifically, nor how exactly its affecting his body, but we just received news a couple of days ago from Micah’s doctor that his most recent ultrasound still reflects a noticeable amount of swelling in his left kidney.
So back to the urologist we go, undoubtedly for more blood work and more ultrasounds. Unfortunately, the renal specialist we’ve been seeing for the past two months is moving across the country, so Micah is being transferred to a new specialist whose first opening is not until August first. It would seem that God is determined to refine my dependence on Him yet more.
If you were to ask me “do you trust the Lord?” of course my answer would be a resounding “yes!” And yet with this continued kidney issue, I find that my confidence in the Lord is short reaching. It is deficient and imperfect.
When I look into my sweet little boy’s dark eyes, I can see that he trusts me; he stops crying when I hold him, he responds to my voice, he smiles when I sing to him. When he needs something, I provide it. When he wants something, I do my best to discover what it is. And with his reliance on me, I can wrongly begin to feel that I am solely responsible for his well being. Yet I should know that God is far more concerned with Micah’s well being than I could ever be.
There is so much that I cannot do, but there is nothing that is beyond the all-wise care of God Almighty. He knit my little boy together in my womb and he crafted the cells that form his kidneys (Ps. 139:13). He is not surprised by the latest report from the doctors; God is not reeling from the disappointment. That’s what I am doing. I need to daily remind myself of Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved (Ps. 55:22).”
I want that kind of unmovable confidence in God. He has done plenty in Micah’s short life already to prove to me that He deserves it. I am learning to cast the burden of Micah’s health on the Lord again and again. God is certainly able to bear it, and He is more than able to sustain us all through the uncertain days ahead.
Thank you for continuing to pray for our sweet baby Micah. He is a joy to our whole family, and yet we know that he belongs to the Lord first. We will keep you updated