Assult in the waiting room

IMG_9171Another round of illness has struck my little family. Kylie fell asleep last night burning with fever. Brent and I discussed taking her to the ER, but ibuprofen began to work its magic right as Kylie’s temperature peaked at 103*F.

Illness in the family seems a much fiercer enemy with Micah’s second attempted surgery quickly approaching on June 2nd. It was illness that hindered him from having surgery on April 7th, and it is illness that again threatens to take down his immune system today. Ordinarily, the price of a sick child feels high as sleep is utterly swept away, all social engagements cancelled, and incessant hand washing becomes household law. But now, illness comes at a higher premium. A simple fever could cost Micah another opportunity at kidney surgery. If illness so much as touches his body, his procedure will automatically be delayed for another 4 weeks. What a big threat a tiny germ can wield.

And yet…

in the darkness of Kylie’s quiet room, sometime between sleep and dawn, my soul was flooded with peace. Through the fog in my tired mind I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all of my fears (Ps. 34:4). I can honestly say because of moments like these, I am learning to trust the Lord with all things. If He has deemed it necessary for germs to invade my home despite my fervent attempt to sanitize every corner so that I can be reminded that I am not in control, then it is worth it. If it takes long seasons of sleeplessness to tether my dependance to the cross, then it is worth it. If it takes my daughter’s sickness to show me the beauty of surrendering my own comfort for her well-being, that it was worth it.

Joni Erickson Tada said “God permits what He hates to accomplish what He loves.”
Last night, fever was accomplishing a good thing for my heart.
Fever showed me frailty, weakness, and desperation.
Fever stripped me of the things I think I need to be joyful, gracious, and kind.
And fever warmed my heart in compassion for my daughter.

In my nurture of her, I understood the gospel in a new light. My life became a model of God’s affection for me. In my misery, He holds fast to me in love, bringing comfort to my hurt, supplying cool refreshment for my thirst. And yet, unlike me, He never grows weary or overwhelmed, and He never allows anything into my life that will ruin me.  

Milton Vincent writes “The mere fact that God tells me to stay inside the gospel at all times must mean that He intends to supply all of my needs as long as I am abiding in that place of luxury (2 Peter 1:3).”
So this is where I must build my home today; in this place of luxury. In the face of illness, under the assault of germs, I commit to staying inside the gospel. There is nowhere else I’d rather be.


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